PERSONALS
- Quants Seeking Women
(this section temporarily suspended due to unforeseen imbalance between supply and demand.)
REAL ESTATE
- For sale: magnificent Greenwich estate, with water views, IG pool, secret underground lair, close to shops, transport, houses of satanic worship. Zoned for FOREX arbitrage and toxic convert recycling. Call Marsha at Nouveau-Riche Realty, 1-800-BIGRES
SOFTWARE & SERVICES
- Wizz-kid programmer avail. for short-term projects. Expert in scripts, spiders, phishing, bots, trojans. Sr. member, CCC (Chaos Computer Club). What you don’t know about your enemies can hurt you! Will contract for fixed-fee or percentage of proceeds. No target too powerful, secure. Write: Stasib0y, Box B91882, Berlin
PERSONAL TECHNOLOGY
- Zicanaut, the wearable computer that prevents colds & flu! Defend yourself against cold misery, strap on the powerful Zicanaut 386 for long-lasting protection. (Not for outdoor use. May cause loss of sense of smell, taste & value). In stock now at your local Floyd’s World of Discounts.
COLLECTIBLES
- John Meriwether, very rare autographed photo, playing strip-poker. Unique collector’s item, as seen in the Gutfreund Museum, now in private hands, bids start at $50,000. Close-out: Hedge Fund Hunks of 2005 Calendar, now only 99c! Write: HedgieWorld Collectibles, PO Box 41, Cohiba NM.
- Counterparty Comics, Issue #1! Mint cond. From the Golden Age of Finance, introduces The Flying Fiero Brothers, Spread-Boy & Repo Girl, Super-villain Dr. Schwartz (threatens to destroy Earth with Deadly Iridium), & many more, asking $5,000.00 Sandy’s Comic Shack, 399 Park Avenue, New York, NY 10043
VITAMINS & SUPPLEMENTS
- Crowded environments like trading floors and charity galas are breeding grounds for germs and disease! Protect yourself with Hedgeborne, and don’t miss any of the highly-leveraged action. Unique formula of nine natural ingredients, no derivatives! Take two tablets at first sign of cold, stress or guilt. Only $29.95 per dose, write Pla-See-Bo Products, RR 14, Kleenex, KS.